D’you ever feel like you’re holding it altogether, yet underneath you’re secretly afraid that everything is going to fall apart?
You worry, you feel uptight, you don’t trust the future, you’re afraid of losing it all?
When Mary came for coaching, she told me she was a survivor. Her parents, she said, sent her off to boarding school at the age of 6, her mother died when she was 10, dad re-married and she inherited a ‘jealous stepmother’. She ran away from home when she was 16. She valued feeling strong, knowing she could cope, and didn’t expect anything from anyone. She liked order in her life, she didn’t like anything that was messy, and was always ready to run. She was married to a successful business man, loved him dearly – and – feared her marriage would end in divorce. She wanted a warmer, more intimate relationship and said that, if she had a magic wand, she would like her husband to be more tender and trusting.
When we don’t feel loved as a child, when our life experiences cause us pain, it’s normal to create protective mechanisms to help us avoid feeling pain again. We may tell ourselves that our family didn’t take care of us, life didn’t take care of us, and think that if I don’t protect myself, who will. Sometimes however what happens is that, in doing this, we build a brick wall around our heart. We hide any emotion that may seem ‘weak’ to others eg. crying or being angry. We can’t be vulnerable – even to ourselves. So, we operate from our mind.
What Mary learned was that it’s ok to have feelings and still be in control. It’s ok to be vulnerable and express how she feels. It’s ok to reach out to others and ask for support. She lit a bonfire and burned her judgements. She allowed herself to be pampered to bring out her softness. She learned to see the ‘innocence’ in her childlike self and connect with her heart. She recognised her strengths and saw what she was capable of building compassion for herself. She came to see that she is never alone, Spirit always supports her.
In going into her heart, she took off the mask and saw the beauty behind it. She aligned with the diamond within her heart and her focus became about being kind to others. She became tender and trusting.
And, through feeling her anger and pain, the wall came tumbling down! She learned to thrive, not simply survive.