Order from Chaos
On the day that I walked into my divorce lawyer’s office, the first thing I saw was a photograph frame with these words. Quaking in my shoes, I could never imagine feeling empowered. It was hard to see how I might get through that day! My life was tied to my husband and family, I had lived only for them. How would I ever survive alone? And what was I doing here talking to a lawyer? I felt horribly disloyal. The truth is I was taking the first step towards taking care of myself and self-responsibility.
I did get to a place of feeling strong and empowered – you can do this too. You absolutely can.
How did I do it? Looking back, I see that I took one step… then another… then another. First, I focused on getting support – financial, legal, emotional support. I looked at what did I want, what did I not want? Did I want to consider joint counselling, informal separation or divorce? Did I want to stay in Hong Kong, or return to my home country where my children went to boarding school? Sometimes I did not know what I wanted. So, I took a risk. Then, I considered practicalities – beginning anew with a bank account and credit card in my own name, a new home, a future.
What to do with the rest of my life? I told myself I was nothing – I was just a housewife – forgetting I had great organisational skills, I was a quick learner, and I had a strong will. I went on a journey to understand who I am; and that journey continues. I undertook a counselling skills course, coach training and set up my business. I learned how use a computer, to write, to speak, to offer a workshop. I disciplined myself to make a start, do the work, and go where it leads. I went on a journey to Peru, I opened my heart, and connected with the spirit within me…
And finally, I celebrated being me – without seeing myself as an extension of someone else. I celebrated being who I am wholeheartedly. I looked back and saw how far I had come. Yes, I fell over a few times, and, I found my passion, took some risks, learned to be kinder to myself. I had expanded way beyond anything I imagined. And I remind myself that I did not do everything alone – I am co-creator with the divine.
If you are feeling lost, alone, and don’t know how to start picking yourself up, contact me. I will be delighted to work with you.