This time of the year can be a lonely and painful time, a time of isolation and vulnerability if you’re grieving or experiencing any separation. Add in the pandemic and these feelings are very much exacerbated, it’s not at all easy.
For those who have recently separated or divorced, Christmas can bring up feelings of sadness, loneliness, anger, resentment, jealousy, loss.
How to find a way?
The first thing is to accept – things are as they are. Some things you can’t change – you can create something new. You can let go of traditions that no longer work for you, and ask yourself what you want instead. If you have children, thought needs to be given as to how to share celebrations so that children can have time with both parents and grandparents. If children are old enough, they can be included in the conversation.
If you feel a need to put on a brave face, you’re frightened you might fall apart, my experience is that just doesn’t work, the pothole of emotions will reappear at some stage. And avoiding your feelings can create a hard heart. So, allow time to feel how you really feel, it’s ok to feel as you do, just don’t spend the whole day in them! Ask yourself what is one special thing that you can do that will soothe you. Take special care of yourself.
You might then ask yourself how you would like to feel instead… perhaps simply to be at peace with how things are …and with this intent, find one step that you can take to be that. Focus on how you want to feel.
On the day itself, be aware of any symptoms of tension, and when they pop up find a way to centre yourself. You can focus on your breathing until it settles, or, stand like a tree, your feet shoulder width apart, spine straight and imagine a cord extending from your crown into the sky. Make sure you find some laughter – there’s laughter to be found in every situation.
Connecting with your heart, I’ve found, offers calmness and strength. When you connect with the diamond within, somehow you know that you are supported, you are going to be ok. Your mind might tell you otherwise … you will have no idea of how you’re going to be ok, yet somehow you know you will. You are not alone.