Many things can put stress on our relationships – illness, infidelity, financial problems, infertility to name a few.
The struggle to have a baby can come as a shock. You assume it will happen, you think you can choose the time to have a baby, then… nothing. It’s perhaps ironic that our body is probably at its most fertile in our late teens, yet we decide to wait, then when we’re ready, we find that nature doesn’t work that way!
At first, you may not worry too much, then you start to use calendars, you even explore different positions suggested by old wives tales or the internet. You can have a sense of humour for a while, until you head down the road of hormone therapy and the rollercoaster of emotions that brings, and you wait, and you wait, and you wait…
Then, you may feel the joy of conceiving, only to find it’s dashed when you hear a doctor say ‘there is no heartbeat’. All your hopes and dreams give way to grief, heartbreak, despair, and, questions around ‘what’s wrong with me?’
Well-meaning friends ask how things are going, and that adds to the pressure. It’s painful to discuss. Seeing friends get pregnant can make everything feel worse. You feel happy for them, you wish it was you, then you feel bad about that.
I know, I’ve been there.
Infertility can have us feel that we have no control over life. Yet, there are things we can control – such as taking care of our self emotionally, feeling all our feelings, not judging our self for how we feel, and making sure we pick ourselves up again after any sad day. It’s how we build resilience.
The best advice perhaps comes in the words of the prayer…
O, God, grant me the courage to change the things I can,
the serenity to accept the things I cannot,
And the wisdom to know the difference